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Sunday, July 24, 2016

Crispy Buttermilk Chicken

18 July 2016

Pull 430 lbs. x 4, 395 lbs. x 4 - heavy set done with belt

Stiff-legged pull 315 lbs. 2s x 5

Bent-over row 3s x 5

Seated leg curl 4s x 8

Incline ab board situps 5s x 10-12

20 July 2016

SlingShot bench press (Reactive) 335 lbs. x 6, 315 lbs. x 6, 305 lbs. x 6

Not sure why my program spreadsheet called for 335x8 on the top set, as I'm nowhere near those numbers. I might have been able to get seven reps, but that would have been an all-out effort. Especially since today was a total feel-like-shit day. Maybe I was planning to use the Original SlingShot when I made the spreadsheet, but I don't usually do that this early in the training cycle. Maybe that's what I'll do next time.

Seated cable row 4s x 8

EZ bar curl 5s x 8

Incline bench flyes 4s x 8 - nice change from barbell presses

Two-DB tricep extensions 4s x 12

22 July 2016

Squat 405 lbs. x 4, 425 lbs. x 4, 445 lbs. x 4, 405 lbs. x 4

Today I ate two crispy buttermilk chicken sandwiches from Mickey D's before squatting. Felt like shit, but the squats were effortless. No wonder powerfatties eat like this all the time. Also I eat Golden Arches food maybe twice a year on average, so if I ate it all the time I'd get diminishing returns, plus maybe the 'beetus? Used belt and wraps on all sets except the last back-off with 405 (belt only).

Close-stance squat 275 lbs. 3s x 5

Hack squat 2s x 15 - used a slightly higher weight than usual, but didn't get the usual 20 reps

Leg extension 3s x 8-10

Sunday, July 17, 2016

With a Slight Bloat

10 July 2016

Bench press 305 lbs. x 5, 295 lbs. 2s x 5

Paused bench press 285 lbs. x 5, 275 lbs. x 5

Pulldowns 4s x 8

Standing BTN press 135 lbs. x 5, 145 lbs. 2s x 5, 125 lbs. x 5

Close-grip bench press 2s x 6-8

EZ bar curls 40 total reps - first barbell curls with zero elbow pain in forever, great.

Rope tricep extensions 3s x AMAP

12 July 2016

Pull 420 lbs. x 5, 400 lbs. x 5, x 3

Stiff-legged pull 315 lbs. 2s x 5

14 July 2016

SlingShot bench press 345 lbs. x 5, 330 lbs. x 5, x 3

Seated cable row 4s x 8

Close-grip bench press 2s x 6-8

Incline bench press 4s x 8

EZ bar curl 5s x 6

15 July 2016

Squat 405 lbs. 2s x 5, 385 lbs. x 5

Weights felt light today, so I did two top-weight sets and one back-off instead of the other way round.

Close-stance squat 5x5

Hack squat 2s x 20

Leg extensions 2s x 10

17 July 2016

Bench press 320 lbs. x 4, 290 lbs. 2s x 4

Paused bench press 290 lbs. x 4, 265 lbs. 2s x 4

Pulldowns 4s x 8

Seated two-DB OH press 4s x 8

EZ bar curl 5s x 5-6

Bodyweight today was 213.2 lbs. with a slight bloat.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Four in a Row

I have to socialize with people this weekend, so workouts were compressed into four days. Which meant lifting weights every day. How fun.

5 July 2016

Pull 415 lbs. x 5, 375 bs. x 5, 365 lbs. x 5

Stiff-legged pull 295 lbs. 2s x 5

Bent-over row 3s x 5

6 July 2016

SlingShot (Reactive) bench press 315 lbs. x 5, 335 lbs. x 5, 340 lbs. x 5

Seated cable rows 4s x 8

That was it. Only had 30 minutes to train today.

7 July 2016

My body was literally refusing to lift weights today. I got out of breath every set and had to rest five minutes between sets. Very glad it's over.

Squat 395 lbs. x 5, 360 lbs. 2s x 5

Close stance squat 315 lbs. 2s x 5

Hack squat 1s x 20, 1s x 17 - literally could not finish second set.

Monday, July 4, 2016

Happy Fourth

2 July 2016

Squat 445 lbs. x 3, 425 lbs. 2s x 3

Hack squat 2s x 20, 1s x 10

Leg extensions 4s x AMAP

4 July 2016

Bench press 300 lbs. x 5, 275 lbs. x 5, 270 lbs. x 5

Paused bench press 275 lbs. x 5, 250 lbs. x 5

Light and easy, just like a volume week should feel.

Pulldowns 5x5

Standing BTN press 115x5, 135x2x5, 145x5

Hammer curl 4s x 10

Friday, July 1, 2016

Heavy Pull, SlingShot Phail

27 June 2016

Bench press 330 lbs. x 3, 315 lbs. x 3, 300 lbs. x 3

Paused bench press 300 lbs. x 2, 275 lbs. x 2

Was supposed to do some paused singles, decided not to push it.

Close-grip bench press 2s x 6-8

Pulldowns 5x5

Standing BTN press 135x5, 155x5, 165x5

Hammer curl 4s x 8

Cable tricep extensions 4s x 10-12

28 June 2016

Pull 435x1, 465x2, 445x2, 485x1, 505x1, 435x1

Went for a few heavy singles and they felt okay.

Stiff-legged pull 315 lbs. 2s x 5

Bent-over row 3s x 5

Leg curl 4s x 8

Ab machine 3s x AMAP

30 June 2016

SlingShot bench press 385 lbs. x 1.5, 365 lbs. 2x2, 345 lbs. x 2

Spotter had to intervene on the second rep. Not terribly bothered by this, as I'm well ahead of schedule on all lifts. So I'll use the same raw and SlingShot bench press weights in my next 6-week cycle.

Close-grip bench press 3s x 6-8

Incline bench press 5x5

Seated cable row 5s x 6

Hammer curls 4s x 10

DB tricep extensions 3s x 10

DB side raises 3s x 6

Monday, June 27, 2016

Turnip Power

21 June 2016

Pull 455 lbs. x 3, 435 lbs. x 3, 415 lbs. x 3

Belt on the two heavier sets.

Stiff-legged pull 315 lbs. 2s x 5

Bent-over row 3s x 5

Standing BTN press 135x5, 155x5, 165x5

Overhead pressing after deadlifting is pretty hard. Midsection felt kinda wobbly.

DB tricep extensions 3s x 12

Leg curl 3s x 8

Rope tricep extensions 4s x 12

23 June 2016

SlingShot bench press 375 lbs. x 3, 355 lbs. x 3, 345 lbs. x 3

That's all I had time for today, plus one light set of seated cable rows. Might come back tomorrow to finish assistance work, or I might do some cardio instead.

25 June 2016

Squat(morning) 480 lbs. x 2, 460 lbs. x 2, 440 lbs. x 2, 425 lbs. x 2

Belt and wraps on two heaviest sets, then just belt. I was supposed to do a few singles after the top set but felt too weak to risk it. Pretty sure the back-off set with 460 wasn't deep enough.

Hack squats 3s x 12

Reverse-grip Smith machine floor press 3s x 8

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Bench Press Singles, Femora Brassica

18 June 2016

Squat 430 lbs. x 4, 440 lbs. x 4, 410 lbs. x 4, 405 lbs. x 4

Belt and wraps on the 440x4 set, belt only on the other sets. I really wanted to hit 440x4, although program called for 425x4.

Hack squat 4s x 12

Weighted situps on incline ab board

Squats are getting pretty easy. Against better judgement, I have widened my stance and am squatmorning more. Rippetoe would be proud. Makes a world of difference - instead of being painful and each rep feeling like I'm about to burst a blood vessel, the weights pop up like nothing and my knees feel great. However, as with most good things in life, there is a catch. More on that below.

20 June 2016

Bench press 320 lbs. x 2, 340 lbs. x 2, 365 lbs. x 1, 380 lbs. x 1

Decided to hit a few conservative singles after my working set today. 365x1 went up like 315, so I decided to go full potato and try 380 instead of 375 for my final set. Shaky, but up it went too. I'll also try a few squat singles on Saturday, then do the same for the pull and the SlingShot bench press next week. No maxing, just to see where I'm at.

Paused bench press 295 lbs. x 3, 275 lbs. 2s x 3

Pulldowns 5x5

Hammer curl 5 sets

Golfer's elbow is already feeling better. That Flexbar thing is almost like voodoo.

Femora Brassica

I wrote about how mourning the squat and using a ridiculously wide stance helps you lift bigger weights easily. I'd say it's almost as effective as throwing on one of those old squat suits. The kind that couldn't stand up without a person inside it. Unfortunately, this squatting technique leads to an aesthetically highly unpleasant condition called Turnip Thighs (which the medical profession officially refers to as Femora brassica). Squatting this way tends to overdevelop the thigh adductors, glutes and upper hamstrings while neglecting (or insufficiently addressing) the lower quadriceps. The result is a thigh that is relatively small and undeveloped at the knee, while massive at the top. In other words, shaped like the common turnip (Brassica rapa).

This is your thigh on squatmornings

"I just started squatting and my legs are blowing up!" exclaims the euphoric squatting noob, his legs still throbbing like rotten molars from the linear progression squat workout three days ago. "I can't find pants big enough to fit my legs!" Well, not so fast, Noob. While that's all technically true, it hardly paints an accurate picture. Take a tape measure and wrap it around your thigh just above the knee. Yeah, I know. Funny how nobody ever complains about their pants being too tight above the knee. Good luck buying new pants every six weeks or so, suffering hours of painful sweat-chafing every day the thermometer shows more than 70 degrees and living in fear of embarrassing rippage each time you bend over to pick something up from the floor.

At least Noob can be forgiven for, well, being a noob. He still believes in bulking and cutting, leg work for bigger arms and Santa Claus. Yet to be disabused of his newfound faith in squatmornings and milk, he flexes his pale turnip thighs and sees tanned, rippling quads in the mirror. What's your excuse?

While we're at it, in-vogue bulking programs greatly compound the Femora brassica effect. Imagine a pair of lean thighs developed into the shape of turnips. The thick parts rubbing against one another, steadily and monotonously. The agony building up like steam in a pressure cooker. Hour after walking hour. Inescapable. Now add a few inches of fat and increase the contact (and, by extension, pain) area by a factor of at least two. If there is a God up there, surely He's turned His back on us by now.

The solution is simple. Reduce the weight, bring your stance in and shift the bar a couple inches higher on your traps. Extra work for your quads via leg extensions and hack squats and close-stance leg presses. Develop your legs into a shape that does not resemble a root vegetable. Can you do that? Why not?

For a while I actually thought I had made it. A hip injury forced me to abandon heavy wide-stance squats. I brought my stance together and did a bunch of other quad work too. It worked. But it didn't last. As soon as I healed up, out went the stance and up went the weight. Then horror. Yesterday I put on a pair of my regular dress pants and could barely get them all the way up. Where was the sticking point, you ask? Hint: it wasn't just above the knee. Whistling past the graveyard, I wrote it off as weekend bloat. The condition remains unchanged today. I've fallen off the wagon. The plates on the bar are like sobriety coins, cast into the gutter after a roaring bender.

My chafed thighs ache as I write this post. It isn't even 9AM yet.